* Dating, courtship, wooing, or whatever you choose to call the steady coupling of two individuals, is a pre-marriage period, a path that is intended to lead to marriage.
* Single is the designation of persons who have not yet attained this goal.
* Widowed or divorced is what we call people who have been married but are not any more.

Marriage is the standard by which all other relationships are measured. 

I hate that I 'just knew' that. 
And I knew it without words. Without a thought. Without question.
I believed that narrative, and I succeeded in achieving that goal. 
Because I so wholeheartedly bought into it, it was as true for me as saying the sky is blue or the grass is green.  
And because it was so very true for me, I knew I was exactly where I needed to be - married. To Rod. I was loved, I was safe, and I was provided for. I was truly happy; I have no regrets.

I understand that the idea of a woman being self-sufficient was pretty much legally (if not socially) prohibitive.
It was just over a century ago, in 1920, that women got the right to vote (in America), making it necessary for her voice to be heard through her husband's vote before that.
My own mother died (in April, 1974) without ever having the right to have her own bank account or credit card, or sign a lease on her own.
So I get that there was a time when a woman really needed to be married in order to survive. Or, in my grandmother's case - who never remarried after my grandfather died in 1965 - my dad, her only child (and gratefully a son) took on those things so she could have her own place to live and to manage her own funds.

But things are different now - at least they still are today. 
After Rod died, I was able to switch our bank account into my name (though it took me six years to be ready to take that step). I traded in our car and financed one on my own. I sold our house and bought myself a new one. Survival is no longer an issue for a woman without a husband. 
Nevertheless, marriage is still the standard. 

If I my marital status (see how baked in it is into our language?) is held up to the marriage ideology, then I supposed I am a failure. 
But what if I hold my singleness to a different standard? Maybe to it's own standard? What if the standard for measuring the success or failure of an individual - married or not - did not depend on their relationship to another individual, but on themselves, as a human being? 

Am I a failure at being a human being? 
Well, that's a whole other conversation, isn't it?

But each round is timed. I can't skip a level or advance to the next round until I clear whatever level I'm on, but there is no limit to how many times I can try. At least not that I've encountered so far. 

On some of the more difficult levels, if I'm lucky, I manage to clear a single piece (or maybe two) before the time is up on my first try. 

With every attempt, I gain a little more experience with that particular configuration as well as insight on how these particular pieces needed to move in conjunction with other pieces in order to solve the puzzle. I begin to understand how each piece moves, what it's limitations are, and what it's relationship to the other pieces are.  With each new attempt, I figure out how to remove more pieces before timing out, and, eventually, I am able to clear the board in the allotted time.

By this point, it feels like I'm cheating as I strategically slide pieces around the board like I know what I'm doing.

In truth, I do know. 

In life, I sometimes think I keep facing one particular challenge over and over again. 

What if, each time I encounter this challenge, I paid attention to its unique circumstances, and noticed how I respond to all the variables involved in it? I might begin to understand why I respond the way I do, how my responses affect the whole situation, how different responses might affect it, and so learning what my relationship to the outcome is. 

What if each time I encountered this particular challenge, I considered it an opportunity to gain a little more experience with that particular situation, and to gain insight into myself and how I might be influencing it? Eventually, I'd figure out how  to resolve it.

At that point, it might feel like I'm cheating as I strategically and confidently move through the situation like I know what I'm doing.

In truth, I do know. ​

My mom had bought a powdered toothpaste for me and my brother. I don't know her reasons for such a purchase; all I knew was that I hated brushing my teeth with it. The kicker in this memory was remembering how much of this powder missed my toothbrush and was just washed down the drain.
Well, this powdered dish soap was not cheap, and I couldn't justify spending money on something that was going to end up going down the drain. So I decided against this product and moved on.
(Yes, I realize that it will *all* end up going down the drain . . .)
Days (or weeks?) later, I mentioned it to my daughter, and my whole thought process behind my decision to not get it. She just started at me ...
Then she made a simple statement:  "That's not the only powdered cleanser you've ever used."
I felt suddenly very silly as I recalled using powdered laundry and dishwasher detergents, and Ajax and Comet to clean my bathrooms! Talk about a facepalm moment.
​I purhcased the powdered dish soap the next day.

So why did I share this little story with you?
Because it brought to my awareness how much influence this single childhood experience was having in my current lived experience. Not only was this childhood experience the first one to come to mind when thinking about using a powdered cleanser, it was the *only* one to come to mind. And I made a decision - right now, as a grown-ass adult - based on this single childhood memory. I made no attempt to find other experiences - that clearly existed - to help in making my decision. I also made no effort to challenge this single memory, no attempt to move past that memory.

This whole thing makes me wonder how many other decisions I've made based (consciously or unconsciously) on a single childhood experience or memory. And, now that I'm aware, the next time I recall something from my childhood in me decision making process, I'll stop and ask myself some questions. Why did this memory came to mind? Is this single memory enough to determine my current course of action? Is the situation or context of this memory still valid input in my current situation or context? Are there other more recent relevant experiences? Hopefully, asking myself these questions will keep me making hasty decisions based on the memories and impressions of my younger self.