Good or Bad ... You Get to Decide!

No, really, you do!
People often ask “Why do bad things happen to good people?” - particularly in the wake of a perceived tragedy. This question assumes a mutually agreed upon definition of what is bad and what (or who) is good. Truth is that events, and even people, are neutral; we see them as bad (or good) because we deem them that way.

Hang with me a minute ...

What if I told you about two trappers who had settled in the wilderness for the night, then woke up to find themselves surrounded by wolves?

Is this event good, or is it bad?

Well, that depends entirely on what you told yourself about it.

​Most likely, you leaned toward the mutually agreed upon definition that being surrounded by wolves is a bad thing; it focuses on the ravenous wolves circling them and their impending status as menu items.

But what if you stepped outside the expected definition and focused on all those pelts that voluntarily showed up, and the wealth that would surely come to the trappers from the sale of said pelts? 

See how that works?

​Either way, the event remains the same: Two trappers fell asleep in the wilderness to wake up surrounded by wolves. This event itself is neutral. The rest of this story was up to you, whether you would make it a bad thing or a good thing. It was what you made this story mean - what assumptions you made (I never said anything about the wolves being hungry …), what detail in the story you chose to focus on, etc. - that made it a good thing or a bad thing.

Hold on … aren’t there some things in life that are just bad, no matter how you slice it? I mean, how can totaling your car or having your house damaged by a natural disaster be anything but bad?

The mutually agreed upon definition would, of course, say that they are bad. But I would contend that even these events are neutral. It’s what we make the event mean that makes us see it as good or bad. 

​What if that car was in dire need of unaffordable repairs and totaling it meant that driver would be relieved of that impending financial burden? And what if in seeking shelter from a natural disaster you had the opportunity to help others even as you were being helped, and in so doing finding a community of people who you wouldn’t have met otherwise? If these were your focus, you might see these events as good, as ‘blessings in disguise.’

So what about those ‘good people’? 

​That original statement assumes that the person to whom this bad thing has happened is a good person, using that mutually agreed upon understanding I mentioned before. But, again, whether you see a person as good or bad depends largely on what you tell yourself about that person.

I have a story ...

​When signing up for college classes, I like to check out potential professors by seeing what other students have said about them. One professor, in particular, had some five- and some one-star ratings. With such a large disparity of opinion, I decided to read the best and worst reviews. To my surprise, both noted the same thing as one of the reasons for their rating. 

You see, this particular professor wore flip-flops to class, and took them off while he was teaching. Some students made this mean that he was unprofessional (or just gross), while others made it mean that he was approachable and relaxed in his teaching style, a type of environment they learned best in.

The fact that this professor taught class barefooted is neutral. The variance in student reviews reveals that different students made his habit mean different things about this professor. Accordingly, these students decided whether this professor was good or bad. 

Those two trappers as well as these students were presented with a situation. They evaluated it through the lens of their experience and expectations, through their cultural lenses, and weighed it against the mutually agreed upon definition, and decided for themselves whether their situation or person was bad or good.

Make sense?

​Well, these examples are good and well, but what does any of this mean in regards to real life? Fair question. Let’s take this to a personal/spiritual level. 

“God is good - all the time. All the time - God is good.”

I heard this phrase volleyed between pulpit and congregation often in my church experience. Sermons were preached and Sunday school lessons were taught on the goodness of God. Examples of his goodness were offered to deepen and solidify this shared (or should I say mutually agreed upon) belief. I listened to the sermons, participated in the lessons, and shared examples from my own life to demonstrate His goodness and to encourage others. 

This belief didn’t always agree with the generally accepted definition of ‘good’ outside of the church setting, particularly when these words were uttered following a tragedy or other event that would otherwise be considered to be bad. But I never really thought about it too much because … well, because God was good ... all the time. 

The God I had been taught about, the God I worshipped, the God I experienced up to now, was indeed good.  I may not have been able to deem difficult (or ‘bad’) situations and events as good in and of themselves, but I could always find good in them because I knew God was good, and that’s all I needed to know.
​                                                                     Then my husband died.

This was unlike any difficulty or tragedy that I had ever experienced before in my life. I found it difficult to find even the goodness of God in this event. I could find no way, no perspective, no explanation that could make this event mean anything but bad things.

​If God is good, then why would he do such a bad thing like take my husband away from me? Whether he allowed or ordained Rod’s death, that makes him the author of this bad thing, and responsible for it. 

I think it would have been easier if I didn’t believe that God was capable of healing him, of completely eradicating this disease from his body. If that were the case, I could just say, “Well, God, you gave it your best shot. You did everything in your power to save him, but you just couldn’t do it. Thanks for trying.”

But this isn’t the God I knew. My God was bigger than the C-word, so we are taught - nothing is impossible for Him. He cured incurable diseases, and raised people when He walked this earth.  Hell, he reanimated dried (as in long dead) bones to raise an army, as Ezekiel tells it!

No, I firmly believed that He was able to beat this. But he didn’t. 

So did He change? I don’t think He did. But something was different. Something shifted in me, something that would unravel everything I believed about who God is, and how I would define ‘good.’ 

Even so, I still maintain that events themselves are neutral. In this situation;

I made losing Rod a bad thing. I focused on all the things we’d no longer share, all our dreams that would no longer come true; I focused on my life apart from my soulmate, on being alone.

Because I made this a bad thing, and made God the responsible party, I made God the bad guy. He had the power to heal Rod’s cancer completely, either through medicine or by a miracle, but he chose not to. He just sat by and let Rod die.

See, I decided what it all meant. I decided what about this event was good, and what about it was bad. No, I decided that everything about this event was bad.

But ...

What if I made losing Rod a … well, at least a neutral thing? I then could focus on the new set of people - widows - that I am now uniquely qualified to serve; I could focus on my life after Rod, and new opportunities I might not have pursued  - or even had - before he passed.

And what if I made God the good guy? Rod’s illness lasted seven months - an eternity at the time, but looking back it all happened so fast. It was God’s mercy that ended his suffering quickly rather than letting him deteriorate over a long time, making him increasingly dependent on others for what he used to be able to do for himself. That was not a life he would’ve wanted to live.

Good or bad, I get to choose what I will make it mean. 

Things happen in our lives; they are neutral. They are not good or bad until we label them as such. It all depends on what you choose to focus on, and what story you tell yourself about it.

So next time you hear someone ask “Why do bad things happen to good people,” ask yourself “was that thing truly bad,” or “what if that person was your old boss?”