Sticks and Stones, Love

Image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto from Pixabay

Sometimes, I think that I think too much. ​I have conversations with myself in my head at the oddest times, like this little gem about words while mowing my lawn (cuz these two things are connected ... right?).  Anyway, here we go ...

Me: Words matter; there is power in them.

​They can bolster and encourage, or they can tear down and defeat. 

Myself: But I grew up with the little saying “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Both of these things can't be true.

Me: I know now that this childhood saying couldn’t be farther from the truth! So many people are damaged emotionally by unkind words spoken to or about them. But they didn’t know back then what we know today about how the mind works. Poor, unenlightened generation, thinking words can’t hurt them. *sigh*

Mower: *buzzzzzz* 

Myself: Wait! Maybe both of these things are true!

Words do have power but only if we give them power. We - not the one who spoke the words - are responsible for what we do with their words, how we interpret them and what we make them mean. If we accept other's words as truth, then we give those words power; power to affect our thoughts and all the emotions that come with those thoughts. We may be encouraged, or we may feel defeated or  small. But the power of their words is in our hands, not theirs.

If we choose to reject their words, we effectively limit (or eliminate) the power of their words. Our emotions are no longer based upon external input, but on our own understanding, our own thoughts.  In this case, we take responsibility for our own thoughts and how we feel. What we feel about what someone else says is entirely up to us and what we choose to think about their words, and not determined the words spoken by someone else; hence, "... your words will never hurt me."

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay

Me: Maybe that generation wasn’t so unenlightened after all. Perhaps this statement was true in that time because they realized that they had the option to accept or reject the words of others. They understood that they themselves were responsible for their own emotional well-being, and they got to choose for themselves whether or not the words of others were going to hurt them. 

Maybe we’re the unenlightened ones. 

Maybe we lack the self-confidence it takes to let someone else’s words roll off our backs. Maybe we’ve chosen to let others define us, to decide what’s true for and about us, thereby accepting (even looking for) the words of others without considering their veracity or relevance to our life and circumstances. 

Perhaps that’s why whenever I, as a little girl, heard another child (usually another little girl) recite this little saying, it was spoken with utter confidence and surety that the words being hurled at them like sticks and stones were untrue and irrelevant, only worthy of rejection. ​

Myself: I can’t stop another person from hurling sticks and stones at me, but I sure as heckfire can choose whether or not to accept their words! I not only have that option, but it is also my responsibility to decide for myself what words and thoughts I will entertain. 

​Our conclusion: Be like Sarah. Look your Goblin King right in the eyes and with confidence say, “You have no power over me.”

And now I choose to accept the thought that my lawn looks good; my work here is finished.